I had a little revelation recently I want to share. When I started my career as a Photographer, I had no idea what I was getting myself into and could not have dreamed that it would be what it has become. It took me 8 years to acknowledge and accept that I was indeed a Photographer at all. Now in my 10th year I am feeling like I am on the ground for the first time and recognizing what it has taken to get me this far.
Going into any session I am totally in my car zone. Driving is my favorite thing to do- one of the only opportunities I give my busy mind a moment to think. I am praying for the right words to say, the right places to be once I'm there to get the best shots, the strength and courage to direct a crowd, pushing away thoughts of inferiority, preparing myself and building my courage. I recognize now that all of these years I have pushed myself through an extreme amount of what one may call anxiety. I had a job to do, and for a long time I had no choice, I was single mommin' it, I had a job to do, and every cent counted. It's almost as if I was carried through this last decade because looking back I can't believe I've made it this far! I am so deeply proud of myself.
I also see now, that what I was experiencing all along was the absorption of the energy around me. I believe that's what anxiety is; Those empathetic, sponge like souls that can sense and feel so much that at times it feels like their racing hearts will explode. Every.single.time. I made my way through the anxiety I grew a little, I like this growing thing. I have learned SO MUCH about myself through my business. It has been the saving grace that has taught me to feel my way through. It was like fireworks went off in my heart when I got a grip on what was really actually going on around me. The awareness of this in my life has freed me. I can go into a social or work situation feeling emotionally in charge and covered in a protective shield. Or, I can choose to not go at all. This is my life, I steer this vessel where it wants to go. I also know that I have the courage and power in me to push my sensitive heart through the anxiety and come out on the other side changed, alive, moving forward, always protected. I've learned that on the other side of anxiety, there is growth. Beautiful, amazing, seed to flower.
I've learned that people with the anxiety are the game changers, the beacons of hope and light. The fear is what keeps the anxiety alive, and that fear is not coming from our hearts it's all ego baby. Feed your heart instead with hope, courage, change your self talk, talk about things that make you feel good.
So I say, if you're experiencing anxiety. Ask that this energy be lifted out of you and for the courage to grow. Visualize yourself in a protective bubble of love, ain't no one gon get through that shit.
Never alone, ~Chelsea
コメント